


Obsession

by thekeyholder



Category: Muse (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Christmas, Creepy, Diary/Journal, M/M, Suspense, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-29
Updated: 2015-01-03
Packaged: 2018-03-04 04:21:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2928395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekeyholder/pseuds/thekeyholder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU story; the structure: alternation of Dominic and Matthew's journals. Dominic is a first year uni student who moves to a new apartment. Matt, his neighbour, is a weird painter, who decides to play the voyeur...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Finally uncovering this oldie. It has a bit of a problematic layout, so I hope it will show up correctly on here. (Dom's journal is normal font, Matt's is in bold).
> 
> Originally posted on my LJ between December 2010 - October 2011 (boy, do I feel old! It's like I was writing this yesterday...)

19th October 2010. (Dominic)

 

After searching for weeks, I think I finally found the perfect place. Well, it’s a bit far from uni and I think all my neighbours are over 60, but at least I’ll finally have the peace I need. I also met my future flat mate, Alex. He’s studying veterinary medicine, so he probably doesn’t have time for partying. I hope things will be OK from now on.

 

 

**23 rd October 2010. (Matthew)**

**It’s my third week since I moved back to my folks. It’s not as bad as I imagined, and surprisingly my stepsister is much more awesome than she was a few years ago. We often listen to loud rock music in my room and laugh a lot, especially when we annoy our parents. :P I felt the urge to create something in the morning, so I went into the town and bought canvases, brushes and all the shit I need for painting. However, as I was standing in front of the blank canvas, all my ideas burst and I dropped the brush nervously. I have to find something that would inspire me, I have to…**

 

 

28th October 2010

 

Wow, I can’t believe it, but I’m actually settled! I have my own room now, no kidding! And my own desk, comfy bed and wardrobe (which could be bigger… I had to bundle my leopard-print clothes on one shelf! That’s  revolting! :-/ ). Haha, okay I can’t expect to have a wardrobe as spacious as the one at home; the rent is quite acceptable, which is rare in this world of greed. The owner of the house is a kind priest, who lives in the same street, so I guess that’s why he wouldn’t by all means steal my money.

 

I’ve just finished decorating my room a bit; it looked so empty and gloomy, so I glued on the wall beside my bed some of my favourite photos: one with Peter, my little friend from the chess club; a family portrait, one from my sister’s wedding and the most recent one, a pic with Tom and me taken at my class’ graduation. God, I miss Tom so much! We’ve known each other for thirteen years… I can’t get used to not seeing him daily. :( I’m not saying that he should have come to the same university as me; he has to follow his dream to become a photographer.

Well, I have a lot of things to do and study; the German Literature teacher is trying to kill us with the amount of reading material.

 

**28 th October 2010.**

**Few hours ago I found some old pics of me when I was a punk… whoa; I can’t believe how much I changed since then! I mean I’m still a rebel, a wild and untameable soul, but good god! My hair is normal now, haha! Though sometimes I’m seriously considering dying it red again, it looked good on me. Or blue… haha, I’m contradicting myself, aren’t I? More than my colourful hair, I miss the fun I had back in those days. Actually, in one of those pics I was playing the guitar, and I suddenly felt this urge to touch those stiff strings again.**

**I went downstairs and asked Mum if she threw out my old stuff and to my surprise she said that they were all packed in boxes in the attic. Well, I haven’t felt so excited for a long time. I climbed as fast as I could through the cluttered space and even though I sneezed the whole time (ew, there’s so much dust there), I was happy to find lost pieces from the past.**

**My beloved Queen and Nirvana posters, CDs, science books and all kind of objects I was once very attached to. Just as I was heading back to my room with the guitar on my back, I looked out on the window and my breath was taken away. You see, we share the yard with another house, therefore their building is quite close to ours. I had a great view of a… haha, of a perfect ass. Although I wish I was in my room because from the attic I couldn’t see their upper body; only a yellow t-shirt which rode up as they were putting something on the wall, and those black skinnies which were so deliciously tight. Later I asked Mum about our new neighbour (it’s not like I don’t see what’s happening around me but oh boy, I would have paid much more attention had I known the treasure that was under my nose); she told me this new guy moved here like ten days ago and was a uni student in the first year.**

**But that was all she knew. No problem, I will do my own investigation then…**

 

 

3rd November 2010.

 

Two of my courses weren’t held today at the uni; I thought I’d use this opportunity to go out with some of my fellow students to have a hot chocolate or even a beer, but each refused me, coming up with excuses I found ridiculous. I’m a calm and balanced person, however, this incident affected me deeply; I felt rejected. On the ride home I decided to call Tom because he was always so cheerful and he made me laugh. There was no reason to feel vexed, I had a free afternoon which had to be profited.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I decided to write a few lines before going to bed. I am not sure what to believe, but after talking with Tom on the phone I have the impression I’m the most unlucky man. Thought I’d never see this day, but he actually has a girlfriend. Moreover, he won a photography contest and lives with two amusing colleagues. He was so enthusiastic that I didn’t have the heart to ruin his excellent mood with my whining. To his questions I replied the same monosyllabic word; “Do you like the apartment?”, “Are your mates awesome?” “Courses interesting?” “You having fun?” – these all were answered with _yes_ , a ‘yes’ which was never more false.

 

**5 th November 2010.**

**I never minded if people called me obsessed because it was the only thing they actually got right about me; obsessed with painting, obsessed with music, obsessed with an extravagant way of living, but from experience I know the most dangerous one is being obsessed with a person. I haven’t been out of the house for 3 days (or maybe 4?); mostly I spied on him and I kept coming up with all kinds of theories. **

**A few days ago Julia came into my room and my sister refused to let me continue reading _Orwell’s 1984_ until I helped her solve her physics homework. The first exercises were quite easy, but I couldn’t remember which formula to use. I needed a book, so I got up to get it from my desk. I looked out on the window and the book fell out of my hands… my eyes were wide as I watched Mum and the  mysterious neighbour introducing themselves and shaking hands. FINALLY I saw him entirely, not just his lower half. What can I say, he’s even more gorgeous… the blonde locks that framed his head so perfectly, his soft features and that bright smile which graced his face as he talked with Mum – all these made me gulp, bite my knuckles and I had to concentrate to pull myself together. _“Bellamy, he is not real and even if he is, you’re not worthy of such a beauty.”_ I jumped with shock when Julia shouted “Earth to Bellamy!” in my right ear. Luckily, he got into the house by the time my sister peeked out on the window. Phew, that was close…**

**That wasn’t all… on the same evening while we were enjoying family dinner, Mum told us smilingly: “I met our new neighbour today.” It seems funny now, but I choked when I heard those words. After my coughs faded away she revealed that his name was _Dominic Howard_. Throughout the evening and night the only thing I could see was his name and his face; I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling with his name never leaving my trembling lips.**

**Dominic… Do-mi-nic… it sounds sacred, untouchable, superior to anybody. I became so antsy that despite the late hour, I jumped out of bed and faced the canvas. I was only half-conscious while I dipped the brush in the different paints and worked with a fervour which was unknown to me before. When I finished my work, I was so exhausted that I plunged weakly in my bed.**

**The next morning I was woken up by a short scream of surprise. It was my Mum who came into my room to put some freshly washed shirts in my wardrobe; I walked up to her and her face was reflecting so many emotions, her eyes shone so brightly! She put her hands on her mouth and then looked at me with her brows furrowed. It was that moment when I finally looked at the canvas and – I’m not lying – I was astonished. This piece was like nothing else I’ve ever painted; I used the softest pastel colours from white, yellow, pale orange and pink, a bit of grey, ending with lovely shades of purple. A human figure was in the centre, however my work was quite dreamlike and I’m sure he couldn’t have been recognized.**

**What followed, left me speechless… _Mum hugged me_. She hugged me for the first time in five years. I didn’t know what she meant and I’m still not sure, but I held her tightly. I felt her hot tears wetting my neck and left shoulder. She told me it was the most beautiful painting she’d ever seen and ordered me to put it on my walls – to which I obliged more than happily, haha. :D**

**_Oh, Dominic, Dominic_ … what else do you have in store for me?**

 

7th November 2010.

 

This week was incredibly horrible. I had an exam two days ago and now I’m studying for another, though I think I might fall asleep. I had to wake up very early and came home every day after 6PM; I _even stopped drawing the curtains_ since I couldn’t enjoy sunshine in my room. There’s absolutely nobody who could ease my burden, I feel like I’m living on the Planet of Loneliness. Of course, Alex is still here, but we rarely meet. He’s learning, I’m learning, however, I feel like we should really watch a movie together…he’s the one owning a telly, so the ball is in his court.

 

Otherwise I met the woman from the neighbour house, she seems nice. Yesterday afternoon I noticed she’s not the only person living there; (I guess) her husband came home with lots of luggage. An hour later I also saw a girl around 14-15 years old and a young man in his twenties entering the house. They looked a bit weird, especially the guy, he wore a red jacket and white trousers. Oh well, if he thinks that’s a way to attract attention… whatever, it’s not my business, I don’t even know why I noticed him. I should go back to work.


	2. Chapter 2

** 10th November 2010. (Matthew)  
**

****

** Since I've decided to spy on Blondie I got rid of everything from the window that could block my vision. It kinda sucks when the harsh light of morning wakes me up, but that’s such a small sacrifice compared to the delight of the few minutes I see of him when he opens his window to let some fresh air in the room. I wish he’d do the same; he should let me in into his life, then I wouldn’t have to be an intruder. What’s even more sticky is that I snooped Dad’s binoculars. I KNOW, I’m sick, but believe me, I really want to find out more about him and I have no idea how to approach him. **

****

**  I should continue writing my essay. Mum forced me to look for an Art College, so I could get a degree “like every normal young man” and be a painter with a diploma. I chose one in this city, but they require an essay about your opinion about art, what kind of stuffs you do and such. Booooooooring… **

10th November 2010. (Dominic)  


Not much to say today; in fact, it was a normal and pleasant day. When you’re happy you don’t need thousands of words to express your feelings, because real joy can’t even be described. I don’t have any particular reason to feel good; courses went smoothly and everything was okay. One girl even smiled at me during the Grammar course, and I’m so glad that she didn’t see me blushing. :P

Hmm, I see it’s already 7PM, so I’ll just take a shower, then plunge into my bed and lurk on the internet, watch funny videos, whatever I want. Finally! :D

** 10th November 2010. **

****

** OHHHHHH MYYYY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  **

****

** Holy shit, I can’t believe what I’ve just seen! :P I’ll never forget that gorgeous sight… apparently, Dominic had a great day, he was in high spirits. Loud music was coming from his room and even though it was getting late, he didn’t draw the curtains (much to my delight, hehe!). I thought things couldn’t get better when he started dancing and pirouetting around in his room, but I was wrong… **

****

** I believe my heart skipped a beat when he undid the first button of his shirt… I certainly dropped the pen I was holding and I gasped. I made sure he didn’t see me, and thanked the gods for the unexpected surprise. I didn’t even dare dreaming about such a wonderful thing to happen! His hands were travelling lower and lower, with each, slowly undone button a new patch of wonderland was revealed to my hungry eyes. Just the sight of his soft, golden skin made me feverish. By the time Dominic’s shirt was shrugged off and he was about to undo his belt, I couldn’t help myself and I had to press my hand against the painfully hard bulge down there. Unnnfff, I grabbed the binoculars to see _every fucking detail_ of the glorious moment. I most certainly didn’t expect red boxers on him, and I had to release _Little Matty_ of my jeans’ tight restrain. Those smooth thighs, those legs sparsely covered with honey-coloured hairs… my heart ached from so much beauty! My moans became louder and louder, though my mind was screaming at me that this was _SO wrong and immoral,_ however, a little voice kept reminding me that a single piece of cloth, a rag I could tear in less than a second, was the only barrier between us. I wanted to see Dominic’s most secret and intimate body part, I wanted to feast my eyes perversely on his beauteous, sun kissed body. My dreams came to nothing when he left the room in his boxers. At least he didn’t take off his white socks. Well, I had to rely on my dirty and fertile imagination to “finish the business” with Little Matty. Just the thought of him being in the same room with me made me whimper; I bit into a pillow to stifle the noises which could make Julia suspicious. A few hard tugs were enough to make me shiver as I came seeing colourful stars spinning in front of my eyes. **

****

** I needed some good minutes to recover from my rocking orgasm. Needless to say that I wasn’t able to resume my essay writing because I would have ended stating things like: _“I love to paint naked male bodies, especially of handsome blondes which kill me with their overwhelming gorgeousness”_ or _“my dream is to paint with my muse’s blood and other body fluids; I want my muse to be the paint, the brush, the canvas and the finished painting simultaneously…”_ **

My mouth became very dry after my description; I think I’ll have to take care of my cock again at night, in the harbouring darkness.

11th November 2010.

I’m not sure what to think about something that happened in the morning… maybe my mind just plays tricks on me or I’m paranoid, but it was certainly very bizarre. O.o So, I was about to leave the house for uni, but I first went in the backyard to throw out the garbage. When I came back that neighbour guy I saw a few days ago (yeah, that one with the weird clothes) was also locking his door. He turned, smiled with a huge grin on his face and we greeted each other. I was shocked by his kind smile and I mirrored him, both of us continuing our road with a dreamy expression plastered on our faces. I was retracing the pleasant encounter when suddenly something clicked in my mind.

_ “Wait a minute!” _ a warning voice rang in my head. His smile… his smile had something creepy and sly about it; actually his bright blue eyes hid a secret, a perverse joy, a glint which was certainly not innocent. Unexpectedly, it dawned on my naïve person: he saw me. Blimey! He saw me almost naked yesterday evening!!! Just then did I realize my fatal mistake: I completely forgot about the curtains. His room is vis-à-vis with mine, he can see everything! :O

But was it really that or am I making up things? He doesn’t seem psycho and he wore pretty normal clothes in the morning (dark blue coat, jeans etc). No, no, no I must be wrong. Why would he do that? I saw him a couple of times in his room and he was always busy with normal stuff…

But I can’t get out of my head that hungry, telling gaze of his. It creeps me out; it makes me sick and makes me shiver with loathing.

I thought that happens only to little girls... :S *crawls back under the covers*

** 13th November 2010. **

****

** I’ve never been superstitious, but this might change soon. It’s Friday and the thirteenth day of the month proved to be disastrous for me. I had a new idea for a painting, but I didn’t know how to transfer it exactly onto the canvas. Usually fresh air helped me to clear my head, so I was sitting in the window; the weather’s uncharacteristic warmness permitted me to do so. I swear, even though it is rather inconceivable, I was solely concentrating on my idea and not on Dominic. **

****

** I only looked up when I heard the creak made by a window which was opened in the neighbour house. I watched Dominic absently (like it was a movie) as he surveyed the garden, but when he noticed me, instead of waving back, he… flipped me the bird furiously and I believe he even mouthed “pervert”. **

****

** WHAT THE HECK?! Bravo Matthew, you are such a genius! :-/ I wonder why you haven’t been given the Nobel Prize yet. >:( I have no idea how he found out about my secret actions, he couldn’t have seen me because I was very careful. He didn’t make anything yesterday morning when we accidentally met in the common yard, so something must have happened sometime between. But what was it? My brain refuses to think about anything else and it drives me crazy! Urghh, I want to pull my hair out because running in circles doesn’t help a bit! I threw the books from a shelf angrily on the floor because I felt like ravaging something to revenge for my pain. Seconds later I noticed Julia staring at me with wide eyes in the doorsill, and I stopped abruptly as I discovered the _“my brother is the biggest freak in the world”_ glint in her sad eyes. **

** I collapsed on the floor and covered my burning face with my hands in order to regain my composure and gather my thoughts. Surprisingly, I felt a gentle touch on my left shoulder. Julia whispered “Hey, what’s wrong, Matt?” Tears of repressed helplessness and woe stung in my eyes and I let them flow and slowly dry while I melted in my sister’s warm embrace. I couldn’t tell her the whole truth, I only confessed that I was frustrated because of a painting and nervous about starting the art college. She soothed the pain that felt like an invisible sword cutting tiny wounds inside me with every passing second. **

****

** I have no idea how I’m going to survive the embarrassment and grief. People say if you immerse yourself in work, your mind is busy and doesn’t have time to wander about unhealthy thoughts. I swear, I tried, but my work requires just my right hand, and even though I do everything to avoid dangerous thoughts, they keep coming back. I’m convinced that Mum’s suggestion to start the art college next semester already will be beneficial for my poor, broken heart. </3 :( **

15th November 2010.

I woke up at 8 in the morning and out of sheer habit, I opened the window to refresh the air in the room. However, I was still sleepy, and I didn’t even notice when I fell asleep. The next thing I knew was the sweet melody caressing my ears and carefully slipping into the pleasure centre of my brain. It conjured up a satisfied smile on my face, and I giggled into the pillow. However, it was quite surprising that the music was real, I was convinced that I had dreamed it! The harmonious accords came in through the window; of course, I had to find their source. Much to my astonishment I saw _Mr. Pervy_ sat on his room’s floor and playing an acoustic guitar with great devotion… I closed my eyes to evoke the perfume of happiness it sprinkled on me just a few minutes before. As soon as his fingers stopped playing on the strings, the cruel reality, just like a mischievous child, burst the bubble of magic that had enclosed around me.

My enchanted heart throbbed fiercely until I realized what was going on in my heart. I had to stop it in time.

Guitar or no guitar, beautiful music or no beautiful music, in the end he’s still a voyeur who invades other’s privacy. End of discussion, foul heart!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My 23 y.o. self is facepalming at the writing of my 19 y.o. self...
> 
> Listen to the song mentioned in the text: [Franz Ferdinand - Darts of Pleasure](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUPuhw32Kaw).

** 22nd November 2010. (Matthew) **

****

** When I was younger I was one who was not ashamed of anything. Really. You can ask my parents; after all, five years ago I had to move out due to my inordinate behaviour. I know, I know, I’m always comparing the present to the past, giving the impression that I liked that life better. Honestly, I have no idea. I think I just grew out of madness at some point, you know? :S No more mushrooms, fucking around with strangers or rivers of alcohol intoxicating my existence. **

****

** And now guess what… even after so many days since that unpleasant incident the feeling dominating my being is shame. The fact that Dominic knows about my spying makes me sick of myself. I despise myself. I want to shake myself and throw my body in a bottomless abyss. You can even flush yourself down the toilet, Bellamy! >:( It’s true that no one else knows about it, but Dominic’s anger and contempt hurts much more than it should. **

****

** Therefore, I decided to occupy my mind with different tasks; I have to keep my obsession chained like a furious beast hidden in a dark basement. What tasks? Wellllll…okay, don’t laugh, but I started learning Russian. Yeah, _fucking_ Russian. I was sure that the difficult language would keep me very busy; I know myself well enough that I wouldn’t let such a trifle put me out. I also flipped through art history books, I familiarized myself with digital photo editing etc. To clear my head I go for a long walk every evening. Honestly, I kind of imposed a very strict timetable on myself so I don’t have time to fret over things I can’t help. **

****

** However, tomorrow I have something special to take care of: my enrolment at the Art Uni. Whoa! :D I gathered the necessary documents, recommendations and yes, I also managed to write a decent essay (at least that’s what Julia said). ;) LOL I didn’t mention Dominic and I hope my “perversion” didn’t shine through the lines. **

23rd November 2010. (Dominic)

Well, I don’t even know where to begin. Let’s just say that I made an ass of myself today. Like a really big ass. It was around 10 in the morning; I had a free period and I was chatting with a new friend, _Charlotte_. I recently met her and we soon discovered our common immense love for music. However, she knows so much more than me; I call her a walking music encyclopaedia! Anyway, she had to go to the library, but I didn’t have anything to do there, so Charlotte was generous enough and borrowed me her iPod to keep myself entertained.

She rushed to the neighbour building and I was enraptured by the variety of songs in her playlist. I was just walking aimlessly in the huge corridors and decided to go in the courtyard and sit on a bench. As I said, I was absolutely absorbed by the music blasting in my ears and with my tough luck, I bumped into someone. A bunch of papers flew in the air and I heard an angry **“Watch your step!”** grunted. Before bending to gather the papers, I looked at the poor stranger I hit as I apologised sincerely. My jaw dropped.

_ It was Mr. Pervy. _ WTF?!  I also had some documents in my hands when the “accident” happened, so I quickly gathered my belongings and ran away like a lunatic, not even looking where I was hurrying. However, I felt like in a genuine horror movie when the same irritated voice called after me: “Hey, YOU, stop!”. The only thought whirling in my head was: _“Jesus, Mr.Pervy is stalking me and he wants revenge now.”_ So, yes, I was terrified by the prospect of him catching me. When I heard his next yell: “Hey _Blondie_ , don’t you hear me?! Stop for a moment!” I was convinced that he would kill me if I stopped. I rushed in the first open door I found, hoping that I could vanish somehow. In that moment I didn’t care, but it could have been a classroom full of students, you know? At least he wouldn’t have molested me in front of them.

I cursed anxiously as I tripped over something; yes, I’m incredibly clumsy, but it was pitch dark. I’m sure he heard the noise as well and I expected him to find me within a minute. I pulled out my mobile phone to see where exactly I stumbled. Well, shit, it was sort of a basement full of clutter. Broken chairs and tables, blackboards and other useless stuffs, but no other way to escape. I heard the threatening sound of his pace and I waited with my eyes closed what I thought would be my last minutes alive. I even forgot to turn off the iPod, though the earphones were hanging around my neck.

He flung the door open aggressively and I saw his right hand feeling about on the wall; suddenly the whole room was invaded by white, blinding light. _“Hmm, here you are!”_  was the only thing Mr.Pervy grunted as he was approaching me and - shame or no shame – I told him with a quivering voice to spare my life. *facepalm* He stopped abruptly like he would have been hit by something, sadness and astonishment creeping on his face. I think he didn’t realise how much he scared me.

_ “You just took some of my papers.” _ he murmured shyly with his head bowed and fidgeting with his coat’s zipper. I shook my head. No, it couldn’t be. He stepped closer, way too close and I couldn’t look away from his piercing stare. You’d think that I was planning my escape, but no, I actually couldn’t look away from his eyes. They were blue, so shining and so blue ( _fuck!_ ); they softened by every passing second. I finally obliged and looked through my papers… even my ears blushed when I found a document which didn’t belong to me. Before handing it back, I got a peep of his name: _Matthew J. Bel_ … and it disappeared from my hands, not before he shot me an “I told you” glare. I guess that’s Matthew J. Bellamy since I met his mother, Mrs. Bellamy. But what was even more surprising was the document itself: it was an enrolment to the Art University.

So Mr. Pervy (how should I actually call him now?!) was about to leave with an offended expression when he stopped abruptly, turned tail and asked out of the blue: _“Are you listening to Franz Ferdinand?”_ , his eyes sparkling passionately. He came back, put one of the earphones in his ear and started humming and head banging to the song. I put the other one in my right ear and heard a male voice singing in a very sultry voice. My eyes widened when Mr.Pervy started singing the chorus (I must state that I’d never heard the song before so it shocked me beyond imagination):

_ “You can feel my lips undress your eyes…” _

Of course, he was staring at me. :| A moment later Matthew disappeared from the room, leaving me incredibly confused and the music, unlike in other situations, didn’t help at all. The song’s demonic lyrics still don’t leave me alone, why can’t I get them out of my head?!

__ “I know that you will surrender  
I want this fantastic passion  
We'll have fantastic passion.” 

Damn you, Mr.Pervy! Moreover, he was right today, his anger is justified. I made a fool of myself, I acted like a moron. I’m so embarrassed that by choice I’d hide my head in the ground like an ostrich. Oh and the song is on repeat now. I think everyone is conspiring against me…

** 24th November 2010. **

****

** First I’d like to congratulate myself for the incredible progress I made yesterday. :D:D:D It’s still very difficult to believe that’s why I’m only writing about it now. I’m so happy that my hands are trembling, so my handwriting might be a bit messy. **

****

** I went to the University to hand in my enrolment documents; I was slowly walking into the main hall, checking for the hundredth time if I had all the necessary papers. I’ve never liked anything that had to do with authorities; they don’t deserve my trust. Anyway, I was absorbed in re-reading my essay when somebody bumped into me forcefully and the papers ended up on the floor. I snapped at the other person; a few moments later I realised it was Dominic! He seemed less shocked though; he quickly grabbed his pile of papers and scooted away in a glimpse. How rude of him, right? **

****

** Luckily, I checked my folder again and I noticed that the enrolment paper was missing. _Damn you, Blondie!_ I called after him, but the little tease (I have to mention tight jeans are not made for running, haha! But the view I had…delicious!) just looked at me and ran to an empty corridor. I yelled again, but no reaction, so I had to chase him. For a moment I thought I lost him, but then he made some noise and I found the poor thing panting in a dark room. The thoughts and impulses I had for a second can’t be put down in this relatively innocent journal. I think I acted like a gentleman, though it shocked me immensely when he begged me to let him live. O.o Anyway, I earned another bonus point when he found my document among his stuff. He was so cute when he blushed that I could hardly contain myself from pinching his cheeks! ^_^  **

****

** I also discovered that he’s a very sneaky boy; I noticed him peeping at my enrolment, which he surely didn’t expect to be amongst his papers. I just hope the information he learned will wake some interest in him… oh and Blondie’s quite cheeky too! He was listening to one of the sexiest and most alluring songs ever, _Darts of Pleasure_. Destiny, you seem to be on my side again! The conclusion is that now I also have some aces up my sleeve; I proved to him that I’m not the typical loser stay-at-home who spies on his hot neighbours. I promise solemnly that I will be much more careful with the voyeuring; if I meet him I will be distant and a bit offended by his behaviour. I will be subtle and leave ambiguous signs, so in the end he will be crazy for me. *evil laugh* **

****

**Dominic Howard, you’d better prepare for my fine attack with love bombs** …

25th November 2010.

I’m seriously considering seeing a psychologist…

I woke up with a _huge boner_ this morning. That’s normal, you’d say and I’d agree, but unfortunately, I’ve just remembered what I dreamed last night.

I dreamed of blue eyes. Mr.Pervy’s blue eyes.

Suddenly, I don’t know who’s the bigger perv between us…


	4. Chapter 4

** 28th November 2010. (Matthew) **   
  
**There isn’t much news to tell…In fact, I’ve mostly been thinking about clever plans to make Dom realise that what I feel is not a mere attraction to his good looks. I know, I know that we haven’t talked a lot, but talking is not the only way to get to know someone. I can deduce his mood and characteristics from different things. If he listens to music in the morning, he’s in a good mood and I might even see a smile on his lips. I noticed that he has a fondness for mail; checking his emails is the first thing he does in the morning and he peeks into the mailbox every day before leaving for uni.**   
  
**His things are always in a neat order and he’s kind of a clean freak (he’d faint if he saw the state of my wardrobe). Dom also must have a kink for doing the washing up; I sometimes see him washing his flatmate’s stuff. Or maybe he just likes to have everything clean around him; another reason why he’d hate me. I’m the personified chaos). It’s a real show when Dom sits down to eat: he usually watches videos in the meantime – stand up comedians – and he laughs so much he’s bursting into tears. Man, I wish I could make him laugh like that…**   
  
**Anyway, I’m still waiting for a good tactic to conquer his heart.**

  
  
  
  
29th November 2010. (Dominic)  
  
Ah, I feel so bad that I don’t even know why I’m writing in my journal. They say that writing helps relieving pain, but does it work on embarrassment as well?  
  
When I came home, I saw Mr. Pervy, I mean Matthew, carrying some heavy boxes, but he couldn’t open the front door. I rushed there, flung it open for him and even smiled politely, despite the obvious tension between us. He just nodded with a blank expression on his face and walked into the house…and I stood there like a jackass, waiting maybe for lightning to blast through me. This is ridiculous, why do I care about a neighbour who’s been spying on me?  
  
I admit, I acted like a fool at the university when I ran away from him, but he shouldn’t be so offended. Or is his indignation just? I don’t know, maybe. You should have seen his cold stare, I have no idea how he squeezed so much despite into it! I feel awful, so I guess I’m going to watch a comedy and eat some chocolate – maybe that’ll make me feel better.  


  
**30th November 2010.**   
  
**I’m sitting at my desk, trying to ignore the fact that Dominic is reading at his window, sometimes – he thinks secretly – throwing a glance in my direction. The temptation is strong, but I have to go on with my plan… My sister, unknowingly, gave me a fabulous idea!**   
  
**You know those Advent calendars children usually get to make the waiting for Xmas easier? Well, Julia still demands one every year, even though she declares herself a young lady. xD While I was teasing her about it, the abovementioned genius idea crossed my mind…**   
  
**So, I will make Dom an Advent calendar, but not with chocolate. No, chocolate is clichéd. He will receive a nice, love poem every day in his mailbox. That means I will have to wake up earlier than him and I will have to lurk for his reaction, but I hope it will worth the effort in the end.**

  
  
  
  
  
1st December 2010.  
  
When I saw today’s date, a warm excitement coursed through my body at the proximity of Christmas and winter holidays. I saw that there was something in the mailbox, and even though I mostly get advertisement, I felt a smile tug at my lips. Here comes the weird part…it wasn’t an advertisement, but a yellow, folded piece of paper with a big ‘1’ written on it. I open the paper only to find this poem:  
  
 _“Passing stranger! you do not know how longingly I look upon you,  
You must be he I was seeking, or she I was seeking, (it comes to me as of a dream,)  
I have somewhere surely lived a life of joy with you,  
All is recall'd as we flit by each other, fluid, affectionate, chaste, matured,  
You grew up with me, were a boy with me or a girl with me,  
I ate with you and slept with you, your body has become not yours only nor left my body mine only,  
You give me the pleasure of your eyes, face, flesh, as we pass, you take of my beard, breast, hands, in return,  
I am not to speak to you, I am to think of you when I sit alone or wake at night alone,  
I am to wait, I do not doubt I am to meet you again,  
I am to see to it that I do not lose you.” (Walt Whitman)_  
  
You can imagine my shock! I didn’t even know what to do, but then I remembered I had somewhere to go, so I hid the paper in my coat’s pocket and went to the bus station. I am certain that I’ve never seen the handwriting…although I have an idea who it could be. At first, I wanted to tear the paper into pieces, but the poem is quite nice, right? Who am I to destroy art? What should I do then? Send it back? But if I put it in my neighbours’ mailbox, anybody else from the Bellamy family could find it. That young girl, who I assume is Matthew’s sister, might think she has a secret admirer! Or worst, maybe Mrs. Bellamy would think that! :O And then her husband would come and kick my ass!  
  
If I were a brave man, I would knock on their door and ask to talk to Matthew. Then I would throw the love declaration in his face and tell him to stop his silly game because I will never ever feel the same. But I’m awkward and could never do that. So I stared at the note during a course and wondered what that one means. Then I kind of admired the careful and elegant letters, trying to ignore the message of the poem. I noticed Charlotte eying me suspiciously, so I put the note away, but I didn’t stop thinking about it.  
  
  
2nd December 2010.  
  
Okay, this is getting a bit creepy! I’ve just checked my mailbox and surprisingly (or not!), there was a piece of yellow paper with a big ‘2’ on it. This beautiful poem was inside:  
  
 _“There is a candle in your heart,_  
ready to be kindled.  
There is a void in your soul,  
ready to be filled.  
You feel it, don't you?  
You feel the separation  
from the Beloved.  
Invite Him to fill you up,  
embrace the fire.  
Remind those who tell you otherwise that  
Love  
comes to you of its own accord,  
and the yearning for it  
cannot be learned in any school.” (Rumi)  
  
I guess this means I will get a poem every day? Until when? Until I surrender? I tell myself that I will get a poem until I die then, but I think I’ll go nuts first. I don’t want to think about this anymore. However, I will get up earlier tomorrow morning and be on the lookout for the enamoured “postman”.  
  


  
**4th December 2010.**   
  
**Bloody hell, Dominic is such a sneaky boy! That’s why I had to wait until I was sure that he went to bed so I could slink to the mailbox and hide the newest poem. He woke up very early yesterday morning and stared at the mailbox from his window as if his life depended on it. Imagine his face when he found the poem, haha! He stomped and his face turned bright red. He really thought he could catch me so easily?**   
  
**Although it would be very awkward if he did see me in action, right? I must admit that I find that prospect exciting…to see the deep blush on his face, the flare of “anger” in his eyes, the trembling of his lips…Yes, maybe I shouldn’t bother to hide that well. ;)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen to the song mentioned in the text: [I Will Possess Your Heart by Death Cab for Cutie](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PsCV61zsdtA).

11th December 2010. (Dominic)  
  
I know that I’ve been neglecting this journal lately, but I had nothing to say. Yes, I still receive the daily love poem, but you know what? It doesn’t bother me anymore, as the question “Who’s the sender?” doesn’t bother me either. If he’s willing to reveal his identity, good; if not that’s okay too. I got used to it and it makes me smile. Anyway, I have to hurry to an afternoon course.  
  
12th December 2010.  
  
BIG NEWS! Oh, so much to tell, I don’t even know where to start!  
  
After yesterday’s course I was sauntering home, very slowly, reflecting on random and abstract stuffs such as the beginning of the Universe. I was only a few streets away from home when it suddenly started raining, but really heavily. It snapped me out of my reverie and I grunted ‘Oh, great!’. I was resigned to the fate of arriving home completely soaked, when, out of the blue, Matthew appeared, walking with his head bowed and deep in his thoughts.  
  
However, as soon as he noticed me, he came over to me quickly and lifted the umbrella above my head as well. Matthew hooked on to me so that the not exactly big umbrella would shield the both of us from the rain. We didn’t talk; I just stole a glance at his calm and graceful face from time to time and shivered from the sudden cold and excitement that overtook my body. Matthew must have felt it because he tightened his hold. He was very polite: he came with me to my door. I somehow managed to stammer my thanks to which he bowed in response.  
  
This was so great, but the real surprise came this morning! I found the following poem:  
  
 _“Rain fell last night...quiet, gentle rain,_  
that tapped against my window pane,  
and called me back from troubled sleep,  
to soothe a heart too numb to weep.  
  
My loneliness was too deep and real,  
and like a wound that would not heal,  
it throbbed within me, and I knew  
my arms were empty without you.  
  
But as I listened to the sound  
of soft rain falling on the ground,  
I heard your voice, tender and clear,  
Call my name, and oh my dear,  
  
I threw my window open wide,  
to let the sweet rain rush inside.  
It kissed my lips, my eyes, my hair,  
and love, I knew that you were there.  
  
Tears that my heart could not release  
Fell down from Heaven, bringing peace.  
Last night while grey clouds softly wept,  
I held you in my arms and slept.” (James Rowe)  
  
  
If this is not a proof that Matthew is the sender, then I don’t know what it could be! So I ran back to my room, took a piece of paper and wrote a message that I put in my own mailbox, hoping that the “postman” would find it. :D

**13th December 2010.**  
  
 **Well, well…it seems that my little rescuing from the rain the other day was very successful as I found – to my big surprise – a reply from Dominic.**  
  
  
“I now know for sure who you are!”

**Cheeky boy, right? But I like him this way! Luckily, I had a pencil behind my left ear (don’t laugh, it’s very handy when I’m working on a painting and that’s what I’m doing on this fine, starry night) and replied to his note.**

  
  
  
13th December 2010.  
  
Yes! Yes! He wrote me a note! Here’s his answer:  
  
 **“I hoped that you would, I was getting bored of being discreet!”**  
  
Quite cocky, don’t you think? I left him a note in a similar tone! Maybe I’m going crazy, but I enjoy this game more and more!

  
**14th December 2010.**  
  
 **Good lord, I could barely wait to see if Dominic left me a message! He did, he did! I’m telling you, this boy is naughty, but I wouldn’t have him otherwise! You know what he wrote?**  
  
  
“Hmm, discretion was never your strength! :P”  
  
 **I left him only a simple message...**

  
  
14th December 2010.  
  
I’m trembling with excitement and my heart beats with happiness or something even better. Want to know why?  
  
About thirty minutes ago, I opened the paper with the number ‘14’ on it and this was the treat I got for today:  
  
  
“A magic moment I remember:  
I raised my eyes and you were there,  
A fleeting vision, the quintessence  
Of all that's beautiful and rare.  
  
I pray to mute despair and anguish,  
To vain pursuits the world esteems,  
Long did I near your soothing accents,  
Long did your features haunt my dreams.  
  
Time passed. A rebel storm-blast scattered  
The reveries that once were mine  
And I forgot your soothing accents,  
Your features gracefully divine.  
  
In dark days of enforced retirement  
I gazed upon grey skies above  
With no ideals to inspire me,  
No one to cry for, live for, love.  
  
Then came a moment of renaissance,  
I looked up - you again are there,  
A fleeting vision, the quintessence  
Of all that’s beautiful and rare.” (Alexander Pushkin)  
  
Matthew also wrote a personal message:  
  
 **“With you comes inspiration. When you go back to your room, open the curtains. I hope you’ll like my surprise.”**  
  
  
You can imagine that I ran up as quickly as I could. I opened my windows and looked directly to Matthew’s room. He put the easel in front of the window, so that I could see his…masterpiece! I have no words…he painted us, under the umbrella, walking in the rain which took up fantastic colours. My admiration only stopped when I saw a shy brunet peeping at me from behind the curtains.  
  
I smiled. I had to tell him how much I loved his work.

  
**15th December 2010.**  
  
 **I’m in a café right now and I’m trying to calm myself down a bit and pass time by writing. It gives me much pleasure to say that excellent things happened in the last days, as you will see from this journal entry.**  
  
 **So I was anxiously waiting for a reaction from Dominic seeing my painting, and even though he smiled, he disappeared from my view, which made me extremely nervous. He came back with a sheet of paper and wrote something on it. Then he held it in front of the window, so I could see it.**  
  
“IT’S GORGEOUS!”  
  
 **I giggled with relief. Then, guided by boldness, I took a paper myself and asked the following:**  
  
 **“MEET ME AT CAFÉ OLÉ 2MORROW AT 5PM?”**  
  
 **Dominic blushed, but he nodded in the end. Suddenly, the whole world seemed better and I couldn’t stop smiling the whole day, which didn’t go unnoticed…Julia guessed that I’d have a date with someone and helped me pick out the proper clothes (jeans, white shirt with turquoise pattern and a grey jacket). I knew that she was dying to know who my partner was, but I told her that I’ll present him if everything goes well.**  
  
 **During the evening, I became anxious and started walking up and down in my room, which bothered Julia, so she handed me a CD and said: “Listen to this; hopefully, the lighter songs will calm your nerves.”**  
  
 **It was the album “Narrow Stairs” by Death Cab For Cutie. I’ve heard about them before, but kinda ignored them. But then I picked up on the second song, “I Will Possess Your Heart”. The lyrics describe perfectly the situation between me and Dominic:**  
  
 **_“How I wish you could see the potential,  
The potential of you and me.”_**  
  
 **I wonder if Dom ever heard this song. Would he find it fitting for our adventurous relationship? Maybe not, because it’s written from perspective of a man’s whose love is not requited…although I might convince him that I’m worth the effort.**  
  
 **_“There are days when outside your window_**  
 **I see my reflection as I slowly pass,**  
 **And I long for this mirrored perspective**  
 **When we’ll be lovers, lovers at last.”**  
  
 **Oh my god, it’s almost five o’clock and I have a bad feeling that he won’t come. :’( I’ll sit here, write down my misery and look at the happy couples in the café. Maybe I won’t possess his heart after all…**  
  
 **Oh wait…I see a blonde entering! It’s him, it’s him! Gotta go!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this last chapter is not too confusing; Matt and Dom are writing at the same time. As always, Dom is the normal font, Matt is the bold one.

23rd December 2010.  
  
Dear Journal,  
  
Today was a very busy day with Christmas preparations and all.  
  
 **OMG, you address your journal? LOL**  
  
Shut up, don’t interrupt me! So, I guess you’re curious what happened after that date with Matt. I promise to give you all the **~~very dirty~~** details. MATT! Nothing dirty happened!  
  
 **Hehe, I bet there were dirty scenarios in your mind. :P**  
  
Pffft, like there weren’t any in yours ...you’re a very dirty-minded guy, darling.  
  
 **But you love it…**  
  
*sighs* Yes, all right, but please, let me tell more about the date! So, I was quite nervous about it and despite my mind screaming “NO!”, my heart said: “Give this guy a chance; he seems kind.”  
  
 **Aww, God bless your heart! :)**  
  
On the day of the date, I checked the clock every hour and dressed up at least an hour before.  
  
 **You know, I really liked your outfit.**  
  
Really?  
  
 **Of course. Just so you know, he was wearing black skinnies, a striped shirt and a sexy waistcoat. You should dress the same way for Christmas Eve.**  
  
I thought you wanted me naked as a Christmas present?  
  
 **Oh, Dom, I do, but don’t you think my family would be shocked?! :P**  
  
Oh, shut up, smartie. You’d better say a few words about the awkward moment when we met at the café.  
  
 **Argh, you like to embarrass me, don’t you?! It was rather my awkwardness, you were so calm, Mr. Iceberg! I waved so hard that almost fell off my chair. Then when I got up to shake your hand, I almost knocked the cup of coffee I was drinking over…I must have made the impression of a loser; I’m still amazed that you didn’t run away**.  
  
Well, you looked kind of cute and you painted that lovely picture of us…and your…ah, forget.  
  
 **Dooom, finish your sentence…**  
  
Ah, Matt, stop biting my neck, it’s full of hickeys already! Your eyes, okay? Your eyes were so gorgeous, I felt hypnotized…I don’t think I could have left the place, even if I wanted to.  
  
 **Ah, I should use this power wisely, then.**  
  
Yes, well, you’re already benefiting from it. Otherwise I don’t think I would have believed you when you told me you didn’t mean to stalk me.  
  
 **But you’re so hot, Dom. Believe me, every man in his right senses would have stared at you. Even that waitress was drooling while you ordered your cappuccino. The bitch even wrote her number on the napkin.**  
  
Jealous much, Matt? :P That’s why you held my hand, huh? Not because you’re such a big romantic.  
  
 **I had to show her that she had no chance. Oh, come on, I wanted to hold your hand from the beginning, but I was afraid that you might think it would be too soon. However, when I noticed that the bitch set her heart on you, I had to act promptly, don’t you think?**  
  
I’m glad you did. Though, showing me that song, I Will Possess Your Heart, was kind of cheating.  
  
 **What? It’s a great song!!!**  
  
It is, but it made me feel bad a little…made me feel like I was this uptight, arrogant bastard who didn’t even notice the poor, lovesick painter.  
  
 **Guess what, Sherlock, I really felt like that sometimes.**  
  
You made it with your own hand…or eyes, perv.  
  
 **And with my own hand I repaired this relationship, Blondie. Please, let’s abandon this journal for a while and do something more pleasant on my bed. :D**  
  
Don’t you think we should say more about what happened between us?  
  
 **Yeah, well, we chatted a lot in the café and you couldn’t resist my charm. :P**  
  
Says the guy who was staring at me like a child at a chocolate mountain.  
  
 **Please, Dom, at least kiss me once before you start writing the novel.**  
  
I told you not to abuse the magical power of your sapphire eyes… So after we chatted for like two hours in the café, we went for a walk in a nearby park and it also started snowing. It was so pretty! Then I noticed that Matt was biting his lower lip and kept glancing at my mouth, so I just stopped and before he could have done anything, I leaned in and kissed him! Haha, who would have thought that I’d be the one to do it first?  
  
 **It was the best surprise of my life, Blondie. :)**  
  
Yeah, you just stood there, at first gasping and then you snogged off my face.  
  
 **LOL sorry, I’d been waiting for that moment for months and your lips were so soft and they felt like they were made to be united with mine.**  
  
Oh, the poet in you woke up, Mr. Bellamy.  
  
 **Something else also woke up, Mr. Howard.**  
  
Jesus, I still don’t know how you can be such a big perv!  
  
 **It’s easy with you, love. :P**  
  
Matt, we have to go to decorate the tree soon. Otherwise your Mum will be upset and accuse us that all we do all day is to kiss.  
  
 **It’s kind of true, although you’re right; we have to give the impression that we do some work, right?**  
  
Impression? Excuse me?! Who made you your favourite cakes?  
  
 **You did, Dom. They taste delicious and I will thank you this night. *wiggles eyebrows***  
  
Thank you, I kindly accept your offer.  
  
 **Should I put on a Santa costume? Or will some tinsel around the essential parts be enough? :P**  
  
Is the wrapping free? I think you should come with some chocolate…  
  
 **Ah, so the key to your heart is chocolate? I should smear some all over my body and then roll in shredded coconut.**  
  
Mother of God…don’t tempt me, because I’ll make you do it.  
  
 **…and then I could add some vanilla ice cream too.**  
  
MATT! BED, NOW! 

  
* * * * *

  
 **Told you a little break would do miracles. ;)**  
  
I just hope Julia didn’t hear us like the last time. She kept making silly puns during dinner.  
  
 **Honestly, who cares? She sees that it bothers you, so she enjoys it even more. Mum and Dad didn’t get her jokes anyway.**  
  
I hope so, although there was this scene which was pretty obvious…  
  
Julia: “Do I need to help you two in the kitchen?”  
Us: “Nah, not yet.”  
Julia: I guess you’ll scream when the time…comes.”  
  
 **Agreed, that was embarrassing. We should conspire against her.**  
  
Hmm, like steal her Christmas presents?  
  
 **Or maybe we should take pics of us naked and put them into the photo album we bought for her.**  
  
Haha, that would definitely scare her.  >:)  
  
 **I thought you said that I’m a perv or something.**  
  
Why state the obvious? Although I think you enjoy it when I call you a perv. So that’s even more…pervy.  
  
 **You and your philosophy, Dom…I should have bought you a Nietzsche book for Xmas.**  
  
Apropos, what did you buy for me?  
  
 **You’ll see tomorrow. Only one day left! :D**  
  
Let me guess…it has to do something with sex.  
  
 **Maybe…**  
  
Matt, I know that smile on your face…you always look like that when I cave in to your bizarre ideas.  
  
 **Believe me, you’ll love it. It is leopard-printed. ;)**  
  
Oh. That changes everything.  
  
 **Thought so. I hope you also bought me something.**  
  
Do you know me as one who would forget about presents?!  
  
 **No, but you can be a troll sometimes.**  
  
Yeah, only when you’re an insatiable animal. Unlike you, I have some exams to pass after the winter holiday and don’t have the whole day to do naughty stuff.  
  
 **I didn’t say that you have to do anything. I can serve myself, you know. :P**  
  
…and I’m sure that I could still pay attention to books. -_-  
  
 **That’s your own, private problem. If I need to hug my Dommy, I will hug my Dommy.**  
  
Oh…you meant hugging.  
  
 **Who’s the perv now?**  
  
Shut up, you make everything sound ambiguous.  
  
 **Ah, but my love is not ambiguous.**  
  
Is this your way of telling me that you love me? :)  
  
 ***sighs* Yes, Blondie. I love you.**  
  
Aww, I love you too, Matt!  
  
Well, I guess we have to go now and decorate the tree…with Matt around, we’ll probably finish in four-five hours? He will put the globes on his ears, lights around his neck and he’ll romp through the house. But you know what? This will be my best Christmas because he’s the best guy I’ve ever met and he makes everything a million times better.


End file.
